2009-09-16 - Sharks are Assholes

Sharks are assholes, not anatomically speaking obviously...worms would be the closest thing, but in their attitude I mean.

I mean here we have the biggest badest fish in the sea, a butch, muscley, bully of a creature by anybody's standard, swimming around terrorising the smaller fishes, terrorising anything else that dares enter into the sea with the audacity to look slightly seal shaped from below, and I don.t know about you, but it's not something I've checked on myself, I'm not entirely sure if I look more or less seal shaped than any other of my fellow beach dwellers, and frankly it's another worry I can live without.

Apparently they can smell blood from miles away, an interesting talent to be sure, but think about it for a second...they don't even have the decency to be a real bully! Any self respecting bully would generate the smell of blood on his victim after he's through with him, as a warning to any other would-be upstarts not to mess with him. But no, Mr Shark waits for a wounded victim, and then homes in for the kill. In my book that.s just not playing fair. You wouldn't have much respect for a playground bully that only picked on kids that had fallen over and scraped their knee, no, you'd be much more scared of the one that shoves you into a corner and scrapes your knees for you with the cafeteria cheese grater.

What about the majesty, and grace of an attacking shark you say, Nature on display, honed to a perfect hunting machine, the pinnacle of evolution for any aspiring aqua-predator? Well yes, it's all very impressive, but it's just not sporting, is it? They have a head start, it's not like they've overcome terrible handicap and adversity is it? And what.s with the eyelid closing thing? As they attack Sharks close their eyes at the last second to protect them, everyone knows that there is barely a creature on this earth that can't be brought down by a good hard poke in the eye, and Sharks don't even let you get a way with that one!

And it's not like they have any natural predators, the only thing they have to worry about is the pointy end of a human harpoon or getting caught in a net, and they've pretty much managed to get their own back on us there by biting bits off us whenever they can get the chance, its a stalemate situation at best...

So there you have it, Sharks are assholes.